THE CRIME OF THE WANDERING DOG
The Greatest Story Never Told
by the Brothers Grim & Grimy [undead].
RADIO PLAY
Narrator
Six hundred thousand days have passed
Upon this planet spinning fast;
Two thousand times this earth has spun
Around the focus of the sun
And dog had walked this dreadful road
Beneath the burden of this load
Which God did place upon his head,
Two thousand years the world to tread;
To float upon the stream of time
In penance for his dreadful crime!
But what was the crime of the wandering dog?
That he did taste the blood of God
When Christ his son did hang above-
The sins of man absolved.
Then day was cast in sudden night,
The sky was rent by blinding light
And all about the crowd stood still
Then fled in sudden fright
And thunder rolled across the hill
And all alone the dog stood still
Beneath this raging might;
Then all at once the world was thrust
In dreadful, fearful, quite!
Then angels screamed
And God himself descended from the light.
The Almighty stands above the dog,
The dog shakes down below.
God raised his hand then clenched his fist
As if to strike a blow.
God
‘This sin, this crime, this wrong of thine
Will haunt you for all time!
A doom I place upon your head
Two thousand years the world to tread;
To float upon the stream of time
And never age and never die,
For me the deeds of man you’ll spy
In penance for your dreadful crime’
Narrator
Dog quaked beneath the burning face
Then turning tail he fled that place
But voice of God and dreadful curse
The dog could not out-race
At first, with curse, at once downhearted,
On fortunes path the dog departed;
Walked the world for evermore,
And spied for God on earthy floor
As the winds of time did onward blow
And the words of Christ were quickly sown.
The Words of Christ (voices in harmony)
‘Eternal life in peace with Christ
Is there for those who wish to seek
The path of light to Heaven’s peak.
Where old are young, the weak are strong
A place there is if you’ve been wronged
Where angels kneel to greet the meek
When life is gone on world grown bleak
The poor are rich in heaven’s light
The humble masses there reside
They live in peace at Savior’s side.’
‘The word of God you cannot buy
For peace of Christ you must not fight,
Just love your neighbor as yourself
And pray for heaven’s light!’
Narrator
In pagan dark this set the spark
That burned full bright in peoples hearts';
A warming glow, one ray of hope,
When all men choked on Roman smoke.
So men on earth invented heaven,
Paradise they’d never seen;
Tables bulging under banquets,
Lazy days in peace on blankets.
Camping at the feet of Jesus,
Holy Spirit never leaves us,
Always laughing, dancing, singing,
Bells all ringing, drinking, eating, death defeating!
When Rome first heard the growing news
Of Word of Christ from distant Jews,
The pagan gods cried out for blood
Resolved to nip it in the bud.
The converts used for sport by Nero,
Lions one, Christians zero;
Newfound cult was decimated,
Christian thoughts were terminated.
People lived but martyrs died
As the words of peace in death were cried
Though at first peace seemed a losing bet
The halftime score was neck and neck
And when at last the game was done
The Jesus freaks in peace had won
As Constantine dealt the killing blow
To the Roman gods by age made slow.
Then Rome sank into lethargy;
An idle sense of apathy induced by Christianity
That sent the Roman Gods to sleep
And cooled the hottest blood with peace.
Constantine
‘These men of Rome, these blocks, these stones
Will never last the race
We burn our candle at both ends
And cannot keep the pace
The men of Rome in latter days
Are fat and pale of face’
‘Their father’s strength at last is spent
Their blood is thinned with wine
These Romans bathe in decadence
And will not last the time
The path ahead is dark I fear
The future is not lit
And Rome will fail and fall from grace,
This world will go to shit!’
We fizzled out without a doubt
A whimper not a bang
Our time is up, our sun has set
Our final death-knells rang’
‘Upon our sickbed now we lie
With pale and pasty face,
Our once fine fountain soiled and dry;
The eagle falls from grace’
‘As pagans we did rule the world
Around the middle sea
But our keen strength was robbed at last
By Christianity’
‘For how can once nation great
One made from fear and war and hate
Survive and yet live in peace,
This new Messiah faith!
So Rome and I have passed at last
Our final-sell by date’
Narrator
And then at last the world was thrown
In darkness, cast from light
And ages dark fell cross the land
Eight hundred years of night
When mankind just as insects do
Did crawl toward the light,
When Christian dogma now the flame
Which then did burn most bright!
When world was cast in darkest daze,
The light now gone from Roman age,
The church lived on to spread the news
With Word of God consigned to page;
With priests in books survived the night
In monasteries hid from sight.
The cloistered clerics sought to find
The truth of God between the lines,
In reading, writing things forgotten,
Hope for man in world turned rotten,
As the land outside was shaped by sword
And kings and queens rose up in force!
To every throne was sent a priest
To lead the king to path of peace,
So dog walked out with pilgrims bold
With news of Christ to save man’s soul.
Pilgrim
‘A man of war, grown fat on hate
Can never rise to Heaven’s gate
And men grown rich on earthly floor
Will never climb to Heaven’s door’
‘Eternal life in peace with Christ
Is there for those who wish to seek
The path of light to Heaven’s peak’
‘The word of God you cannot buy,
For peace of Christ you must not fight,
Just love your neighbor as yourself
And pray for Heaven’s light!’
Narrator
But people did not want to hear
These words of peace in times of fear,
So they changed the words to suit the need
To words that sinful man would heed!
Pilgrim
‘That God is mad is plain to see-
Just turn and look around,
For sins foul dreams affront our sleep
With nightly fears and fantasies
From guilt that runs full deep!’
‘That man has sinned is plain to see,
Just turn and look around
Now beg forgiveness on your knees
For Word of God you’ve found’
‘Just sit you down and drink you up
The blood of Christ from golden cup.
I grant you that it tastes like wine,
But drink you more I think you’ll find
The spirit knocking at your door
As you lay drunken on the floor
And know then that you’ll never die-
With Jesus Christ your soul will fly’
‘But wait, much worse for those who fall
In burning pit beyond recall
For if indeed to Hell you go
Then never shall you Heaven know
And never seeing Heaven’s light
Your soul will burn in endless night’
‘There demons trained in arts of pain
Will roast your back and eat your brain
Then wrap your guts around a stick,
Upon an iron spike you’ll sit,
Your head nailed living to a post,
Your heart set on a grill to roast,
Your feet will kick at Heaven’s gate
But Hell’s foul torments be your fate’
Narrator
With words of fear the priests chastised,
Clergy
‘No Heaven’s light for unbaptized’
Narrator
If God would come again today
Dog feared what He would have to say
When news He heard of how His word
Was twisted on the waking world!
The path to light now lined with fear
With flames of fright by which to steer;
The olden gods of pagan past
By Christian hand condemned at last
As priests convert the pagan temples
And under cross the flock assembles.
Steeples rising ever higher,
Cross is raised on gothic spires;
As Churches spread across the land
And the flames of fear by priests were fanned
And grew the might of Christendom
With Word to lead to Kingdom Come!
The Pope then sat on golden throne
All dressed in best and richest robes,
His clothes all set with precious gems
A king to rule the kings of men.
Pope
‘The Word of God is like a cake
That’s made in layers and gently baked,
The simple truth for simple man
Is just the coat of marzipan-
But if you have a sharper mind
Then inner meanings can you find:
Just what did Jesus mean by 'Peace?'
The word of Christ is vague you see-
To love your neighbor as yourself
Unless he is an Infidel’
‘Though violence in truth is sin
A man of God may join the fight
As long as writ is given first
By Holy Papal right’
‘Upon this world there is a sore
That calls all men of God to war,
The eastern threat to mother church
As Islam knocks on Christian door!’
‘The land of God is overwhelmed
By hordes of wretched infidels,
The knights of Christ we call to fight,
Your earthly sins we’ll overwrite,
A pilgrimage to save your soul
From burning Hell's eternal night!
Narrator
The words of God that burned in air
As war became a kind of prayer.
That spark was fanned to blazing flame
As knights of God rode out in fame!
Five hundred thousand Christian feet
At once took up the Churches beat;
The priests sent man to east crusade
And there a fighting kingdom made,
The ancient East the West to save-
But Holy War was just charade!
Dog feared God’s wrath when first he saw
The words of peace now used for war,
The hallowed streets where Christ had stood
That now were stained with human blood;
Instead of praying knights were slaying-
Words of Christ mankind betraying,
Wretched mankind misbegotten
Fathers lessons soon forgotten.
Twelve hundred years had quickly passed
Upon this planet spinning fast
Since dog had walked in Galilee
And dipped his paws in crimson sea.
But Kingdom fell as Islam wakened,
Muslim Jihad, vengeance taken
Pilgrimage in death forsaken.
The rock split sometimes three and four
As greed crazed bishops went to War
And War sent Death and Famine forth
As Plague rode out on coal black horse.
Swinging burning censure smoking
Man on fumes of sickness choking;
This Pestilence would never stop
Who left behind a body crop.
So mankind thought to blame the church...
Mankind (chorus of voices)
‘That God has left us in the lurch!
The church has led the flock astray,
Corrupted priests on earth to blame
For wrath of God on man in pain!’
Narrator
But Church cries...
Pope
‘Nay!’
‘The one to blame
For man in pain
Is found in Hell
Where Satan dwells.’
‘The Devil sows this discontent
And Satan makes us malcontent;
That hellhound Satan is to blame
For Wrath of God on man in pain!’
Narrator
So dog resolves to speak to Lucifer
To find out why he makes man suffer-
Searching, finds the Lion’s Gate;
The dog decides to visit Satan!
Stairway to infernal burning,
Ever downward spiral turning.
Screams get louder, steps get steeper,
Always turning ever deeper;
Satan, Devil, Demon leader-
Dog goes to Hell O fearful reader!
Fires flared to left and right
As falling souls in pain ignite
To burn in Hell, eternal night.
Getting deeper, dreading falling,
Dog in fear on belly crawling.
Reaching bottom, lowest level,
Dog is led to see to Devil.
Christian souls the Dark Lord chewing,
From there ruptured veins blood spewing,
Human blood the demon drinking
From a cup of liquid stinking.
Satan swallows, Satan bellows
Satan laughs and hugely belches.
Satan
‘As long as wretched man believes
The word of God in Church deceit,
Their lack of faith will drag them down,
Their souls in Hell I shall receive,
These humans that must strive to light
When mankind's soul is drawn to night!’
‘The word of God on earth has changed
From one of hope to one deranged
But man in dark can never see
The word of God in Church deceit!’
Narrator
The dog returned to earth once more
To spy for God on earthly floor
And breathed again the sunlit air
Upon fair surface of the earth.
To dog it seemed that not a day
Had passed in burning pit below,
But up above on human world
Three hundred years had flown!
The priests all dressed as Persian kings
With hands decked out in golden rings;
The church commissioned painters
Painting scenes from Holy Bible!
Church was growing ever richer,
Feeds the flock with holy picture;
Statues, paintings, idols tragic,
Art contains a kind of magic.
In days of yore a man of war
Could quickly rise to Heaven’s door,
In olden times a man of hate,
Grown fat on sin, could dodge his fate
With path of gold to Heaven’s gate.
Dog feared God’s wrath when first He heard
Of profits made upon the word,
As piece of Christ was bought and sold
And Heaven’s light was swapped for gold-
The Church cried on the word gone wrong
And choirs raised their voice in song.
Choir (of harmonic voices singing)
‘For sinful man there comes a time
When growing old we pass our prime,
Our lessons learnt, our candle burnt,
For peace at last we all must yearn.
Then laying down all human toil
We struggle off this mortal coil,
And when to Death at last you crawl
A little gold can save your soul!’
Narrator
People ranting, people screaming,
Heresy in schools was teeming;
Church gets tougher, justice rougher,
World in tears as weak men suffer.
Church then fractured, church then ruptured
New path found from path corrupted!
Christ now comes in many flavors
Different types and strengths of Savior!
Man then goes on witch-hunt frenzy
Fire used to burn out palsy-
Hunting evil, warlock, demons
Killing children, men and women.
Dissent louder, gaining power,
The dog stands at unholy hour!
Whispers louder, waxing stronger
Voices of Dissent (chorus of voices)
‘The word of God is truth no longer
The world is round, a new way found
We stand on ever spinning ground!’
Narrator
As blasphemy in sin abounds!
Inquisition
‘To painful trail we’ll surely call
The sinful man who won’t play ball;
A questing mind will quickly find
His mortal body in a bind,
His hands tied fast and thrown to lie
In darkest dungeon, there to die!’
‘The Earth is flat, the land a mat,
That floats upon the sea.
This world was made in seven days
In its entirety,
The heavens spin around the earth
Or so says Ptolemy
And if you look in Holy Book
These answers you will see.’
Narrator
Cross had splintered, Church had shattered,
Round the Globe the pieces scatter.
On the scene is William Shakespeare
Holding mirror up to nature
In the present act was bitter cruel
As man stalked cross this stage of fools-
Now kings and queens control the Word
And things once bad become much worse!
English, Spanish, Portuguese,
Sail beyond the seven seas;
Cannons round the world now thundered
Eden newfound quickly plundered.
The Might of God was plain to see
By strength of Europe’s weaponry,
Bows and arrows, spears and clubs
Could never win gainst Europe’s guns.
New World crumbles, old gods tremble,
Cannons blast the pagan temples;
Christians sick of killing Christians
Turn their guns on heathen victims!
Science raised to meat occasion,
Need is mother of invention,
New ways shatters past pretensions
Rids the world of old conventions.
Man now moves to ticking clock;
Seconds slicing, minutes dicing,
Always ticking, always tocking,
Always clicking, never stopping.
Constant tick makes dog feel sick,
Dog sets about to scape God’s grip,
Across the sea on breeze to skip,
A stowaway on English ship.
But hold so cold was filled with slaves,
Plantation bound for early grave;
Now human beings bought and sold
Of all acts most depraved!
Age of reason, age of treason,
Man now dwells in killing season
As every deed of man on world
Found vindication in the word!
United States is born in hate
As war is fought for going rate,
Independence gained by shells,
Just turn around to fight themselves.
This age now called ‘Enlightenment,’
As if to stroke with coat of paint,
To hide the shame, conceal the taint,
To mask the spreading Christian stain.
Rebellion of the huddled masses
Rise against the upper classes;
Men get sick of kings and queens
And execute their Versailles dreams,
Wigs at last go out of fashion
Victims of the guillotine.
Reign of Terror, man in error,
Napoleon has himself crowned Emperor,
Seeking justice, finding just us
Carves himself an earthly empire.
People ranting, people screaming,
Man to cities now is streaming,
Loosing touch with Mother Nature,
Sets the stage for starker future.
Then rules in schools with soldier pupils
Read ‘On War’ with lack of scruples,
Finding methods in the madness,
Learn the art of human sadness.
Man is yearning, never learning,
World in furnace now is burning.
Forces tamed and powers harnessed,
But world of steam still needs the harvest;
Famine sits on white horse carving
Death from life by millions starving.
Men obsessed with making money
Sell their souls for next to nothing,
Gold exchanged for pox filled blankets,
Freedom lost for useless trinkets,
All financed by wretched bankers
Growing fat on planet banquet.
Baubles, trifles, wretched nothings
Swapped for things worth truly something.
Darwin’s theory evolution
Causes massive revolution
Science masters former master
Time itself in haste flows faster.
Wretched mankind misbegotten
Father’s lessons soon forgotten
Always listing to the loudest
Always bowing to the proudest
Sinful mankind soon perverted
Path from dark to light subverted.
When next came God on Judgement Day
And heard the words the dog must say;
When next He came, when first He heard
The world subjected by the Word,
Then wrath of God would rain on man
And Holy shit would hit the fan!
First World War begins in earnest,
Millions in the trenches die;
Germans, English all together,
Huddled in the mass graves lie.
Both sides quickly stop advancing,
Mortal rivals stalemate found.
In between the dug-in armies
Stretched a deadly no-man’s ground.
Dog walked through the war torn countries
Horsemen four rode up ahead
Shod with steel these gods of slaughter
Trampled over fields of dead.
Red-horsed War was crust in armor
A hybrid strange made horse and he.
Mars at last had gone industrial,
Wore a gas-mask now with glee.
War rampaged for four long years
A bloody, wretched trail of tears
And then at last the war was done
But all sides lost and no side won.
World keeps turning, engines burning
Man from lessons never learning.
People ranted, people grunted,
Hell from low to high was shunted.
Crooked cross, O crooked cross!
Did time run out for man that fast!
Can peace on earth below not hold!
Is Armageddon come at last!
Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini,
Aim to share the world between them;
Guns get better, shoot men faster,
Hitler bids to be the master.
Tank guns fire Blitzkrieg tattoo,
Men again embrace disaster!
Stalin’s Russia signs with Hitler
Heartfelt non-aggression pact.
Promise broken, worthless token,
Hitler’s knife in Stalin’s back.
Jewish fathers fearing torture,
Death in furnace, rigor mortis
Camps set up to start the slaughter;
Showers running, soldiers gunning,
Helpless victims death defiling;
Mothers, fathers, children crying,
Holocaust of millions dying,
Huddled in the mass graves lying.
Bloody slaughter, land and water,
Battles won and battles lost-
Tide is turning, Nazis burning
Evidence of Holocaust.
US rising, taking over,
D-Day, radar, cliffs of Dover,
Allied bombers flying higher,
German heartland all on fire.
Nazis stumble, armies rumble,
All fronts fall as Axis crumbles.
Battles in the Coral Sea
Turns the tide on Japanese.
Atom shattered, matter mastered,
World on razor’s edge spins faster!
Now an Iron Curtain falls,
Across the world dividing all
As a cold war chills all humans blood
While atomic specter hangs above.
The age of human Superpowers!
The dog stands at unholy hour-
As under mushrooms humans cower
And deadly blooms the atom flowers!
Over buttons fingers hung
Missiles threatened, one for one,
Toe to toe, gun for gun.
Each one the other dared to blink,
Stockpiles ready, on the brink
Strike range longer, warheads bigger,
Fear crazed fingers on the trigger.
Wars broke out as sides were taken,
Bay of Pigs, friends forsaken,
Rolling thunder, Vietnam
Christmas bombings, Ironhand,
Napalm, Spec-ops, friendly fire,
Killing Charlie on the wire.
All sides fed by weapon makers,
‘Get your guns boys, any takers?’
Commerce prospers in the crossfire,
Money puddles in the craters.
Rockets tried and quickly tested,
Milestones gained and quickly bested-
Armstrong leaves the world behind
And claims the moon for all mankind,
Super novas, distant thunder,
Dog looks up to stars in wonder.
With DDT the world was soaked
As planet gagged on oil fire smoke
With half the beasts of Noah’s Ark
Extinguished in that rising dark!
Rivers burning, cauldrons churning,
On himself mankind is turning;
Man in hate attacks his mother,
Man in greed now nature smothers!
Ice caps melting, global warming,
On horizon storm clouds forming,
Clement weather sudden pouring,
Man through nightmare gently snoring.
Awful eighties, wretched decade,
Russia falls in world gone crazy,
Man in droves from church is flocking,
Church was lurching, rolling, rocking;
Man believes in God no longer,
Christ is raised and growing stronger!
Humans squeaking, pointing fingers,
TV violence is to blame.
Mankind older, heart grown colder,
War for man is now a game.
Then fast comes nineteen ninety nine!
The dog falls cross the finish line,
The dice for man at last was thrown;
Now God must reap what God had sown.
The dog had reached the bitter end
As angels sent by God descend,
And lift the old and ancient dog
To Heaven's feet to meet with God.
That weary dog, O wretched soul,
Two thousand years on lonely road;
That started first in Galilee
And ended in depravity.
Two thousand years had quickly passed
Upon this planet spinning fast;
Two thousand times the earth had spun
Around the focus of the sun,
Since God had give his gift to man
With Christ nailed up and left to hang,
From Holy Land when world was young
When curse on dog had first begun.
Speaks God again, His Kingdom Come.
God
‘How fares my Son, my only one,
Which I did give to heal man's sin
When curse on dog did first begin?
How fares my word upon the world
Which Jesus Christ my son did bring?’
Narrator
The dog thinks long and answers slow.
Dog
‘Your Son is well on earth below
As all men vie for Heaven’s light
So they might sit at Jesus’ side
As every deed of man on world
Finds vindication in your word.’
Narrator
Dog wove the truth by spinning lies
And risked his soul in hell to fry!
In fear dog waited killing blow
That should have fell an age ago,
On dreadful hill in Holy Land
When dog for crime by God was damned!
But never falls the blow,
The stream of time still onward flowed.
God hearing what he wants to hear
So taking angels disappears.
Then Death was there with shining scythe
And cut the chain that held the dog to life-
The sand ran from the hourglass
That Death held at his side.
Death
‘One question dog,’
Narrator
Intoned the shade,
Death (cont)
‘Before eternity, But why did you lie to God to save humanity
When all they ever brought to earth was abject misery?’
Narrator
The new dead dog his body left
And floated up to answer Death;
With head held high, dog answered slow,
With cold and ghostly breath.
The dog speaks
‘That Man will die by Man’s own hand
As Horsemen Four destroy the land
And you above them all will stand.'
'How dare God make this dog to judge
His sinful children at the end,
Though dog was made by God’s own hand
But dog was Man’s best friend.’
Narrator
A tear then pooled in socket dry
And rolled down skull from empty eye
As Death in bitter sadness wept,
The first and last he cried.
Now dog was dead his curse to tread
The world at last was ended.
He made his home in Heaven’s light
To sit by Christ ascended.
To save Man’s soul the Son had died,
The First on cross was crucified,
But savior new came Judgement Day
When Dog for man had lied
